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Mystical Inner Journey

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“My father does not exist. I don’t want to breathe like this anymore.”

It all started with a prayer. Actually, it was more like pleading for help. I didn’t t know to whom I was praying to or what I was praying for. All I remember was kneeling on the yoga mat in my yoga room sobbing countless times. I felt alone, confused and desperate. I was twenty nine years old and recently divorced. I wasn’t happy in my marriage and I wasn’t happy alone. I wasn’t happy (period). I was so in love with my husband, what had happened? I had a great job and a good life, what was wrong with me? I had read on Yogananda’s book Autobiography of a Yogi that if you prayed with total devotion to Babaji, one of the masters, that he would actually come. I remember that night well, I lighted a candle and prayed to the invisible. I called Babaji’s name three times out loud and I asked for help. Someone must’ve heard me!

The first help came in the form of a tantric teacher who taught me to cultivate a relationship with the Divine Mother. The Divine Mother as the feminine aspect of God, as the cosmic mother of all things, as the primal force of creation in all forms. I learned about Goddesses of all religions and I developed a devotional attitude that sparked love within me as I never felt before. Wether It does work to invoke the divine Goddess energy or I was just focusing on something other than my melodrama I started getting happier!

Second help came in the form of a friend of a friend. A musician friend of mine had suggested I meet this guy who had just moved to Florida from New Jersey. With this new friend I learned where my unhappiness was coming from and how much healing my heart required. He facilitated my first breath-work session, breathing in a circular manner connecting the inhale and the exhale while coached by a breath-worker. In the first twenty minutes I was sweating profusely and all of the sudden I felt a wall in-front of me. My breath coach asked me one question about my father and responded with an assertive tone of voice “My father does not exist. I don’t want to breathe like this anymore.” I declared the session was over and I went home.

Once home back to the safety of my aloneness I wrote on my journal. Obviously my father existed and enjoying very good health. In that moment I realized I had some inner exploration to do! I knew breath-work was going to heal me. Few months later as suggested by my new friend I registered for a 9 month Rebirthing Breathwork Program. This program was one weekend per month for nine months at the Philadelphia Rebirthing Breathwork Center. Every month I flew from West Palm Beach to Philly to unravel the imprints in my subconscious mind, the thoughts, feeling and emotions stored in my body. Most importantly I was getting to know myself.

I was making peace with my past by working with  conscious breathing, forgiveness, integration of un-acknowledged feelings and community. Breathwork and the support of my senior teachers help me relax in my body and to trust myself enough to allow the emotional charge to come forward and be released. I found safety within my mind to feel, to speak my truth, to let go and to share the work with others. I realized how not having bonded with my mother created unsettled feelings in the core of my being. These feelings never allowed me to experienced I belonged anywhere. I saw how my first broken heart was actually caused from not having my father’s presence. I became aware on what drove me to leave my country and family  at the early age of fifteen years old. I processed my upset feelings with my parents, I became aware of my judgements, expectations and projections.  Every time I would visit my parents I would notice how my relating to them would change. I had more patience, more space for them to be themselves. I was just more present for me and for them which in turn brought more joy and connection. In addition to healing with my parents my relationship to men also changed. I became more available, more loving and understanding to the man in my life. In general all my relationships improved as a result creating more intimacy within myself. This healing didn’t happen in one session or in one training. Deep healing happens over time and in layers. My commitment to my healing and to breath-work was the catalyst to change. I stayed alert to my thoughts and now I knew my tendencies and patterns; I wasn’t in victim consciousness anymore.

I understood the truth of the statement “your thoughts creates your reality”. Every time my mind wanted to blame I would remind myself of my choices. Little by little I saw the drama that I had created and with time and awareness started to see the beauty of it all.

Today I continue to work with conscious breathing and I am always amazed by the power of it’s simplicity. Is my heart healed? Absolutely! Do I continue to heal different aspects of my mind? Absolutely!

One thing is for sure I have more happiness and love in my heart and I have a tool that I can always count on…conscious connected breathing!

I am forever grateful to the Universe, the Cosmic Mother, all angels , gurus, and Spirit guide who heard my calling and continue to guide me and support me!breathing

Sula dePaula

Creator of A Breath of Consciousness Breathwork CD.

www.suladepaula.com

San Pedro Whispers

HummingbirdEP6

Unexpectedly I felt his touch.
It was as gentle as Humming bird kisses
I sensed the pull to unknown ceremonies down in the Canyon
Tired of my pain and committed to my freedom I showed up
I showed up again and again
Embraced by love and grace
Slowly unraveling my story
Purging projections and expectations
But It was in his land…
A land of high mountains, gentle people, and fluffy lamas
In his land the deepest blind spot came to light
Head pounding, body shivering
In every shiver eons of emotional tension released
Light of consciousness dissolved dis- ease of mind and body
The Earth swallowed my anxieties
The awareness of my personal trap was clear
I laid down my armor and my shield
I said goodbye to the one who has been fighting everything
Yes is the mantra, all heart opens
Separation was my mind’s perception and rejection was my defense
I now include myself in oneness with trust and vulnerability
I surrender my forceful will and bow in gratitude
eternal friend, where ever you are I am blowing humming bird kisses back to you.

Beyond Forgiveness

newimagePerhaps you could use to give or receive some forgiveness in your life right now? Have you ever felt the need to forgive someone and you didn’t know how?

Have you ever wanted someone to forgive you for something and you felt powerless?
What is this ‘thing’ that keeps us in the loop of guilt, blame, regret, and anger?
Forgiveness is a big part of the Breathwork/Rebirthing process and the last couple of years I have been meditating a lot on this topic.
I’ve found that Access Bars has created more space in my world where I can start to have more space for other people’s world and not be so invested in “right” or “wrong”.
I am not talking about letting other people be abusive. One needs to be aware and strong enough to say “no’ and “goodbye” to abuse. I am talking about things that has happened in the past and little things that happens frequently that ends up taking a lot of our energy and distracting us from actually creating what works for us.
Everything has accelerated. The speed of time in our daily lives has become nearly impossible to catch up with.
How about if we could forgive at the speed of light!
If we had no emotional charge in our bodies would we be drawn to guilt?
If we had no magnetic pull towards what is destructive would we hurt other or feel hurt?
If we knew all the times, beyond this life time, where we were unkind, would we make others wrong?
If we were aware of the grander picture and lived from Oneness would we need forgiveness?
I am dreaming of a world beyond right or wrong, beyond good or bad, beyond duality.
I am dreaming of a world where Forgiveness is Obsolete.
Is it possible to have that in this reality?
I wonder…
Join us for a group Breathwork session as we explore, question, and stretch our minds about the concept of Forgiveness creating more space for peace. March 11th at 7;30pm.
I do Skype sessions on Skype as well!!
 
How does it get even better?
 
Sula

For some reason…

Venus Transit

Oh Goddess of this Planet!

For some reason She called me into Her.
For some reason my life unfolded beautifully.
For some reason I forgot Her.
For all the reasons struggle knocked on my door.
For many reasons I wept.
For divine reasons I heard Her calling again.
For some reason She embraces me.
For unknown reasons  I laugh again.
And for no reason the breeze revives my being, the sun ignites my desires, the ocean stills my mind, and the earth melts my barriers.

“The Dripping Yoni”

the dripping yoni

Last week I removed from my car this painting. I created it during an Intuitive painting workshop over four years ago. Since then a lot has happened! I moved across the country, I got a new job, I built a romantic relationship, I turned 40, my mother transitioned to the spirit world, I developed a new relationship with my body, etc. I could go on and on describing all the changes that occurred inside and out.

This fun painting is a “yoni”. Yoni is a sanskrit word given to the female genitals in the Tantra world. I named this painting “the dripping yoni”.

What intrigues me is how did I not bring her out before? It was face down laid flat in my trunk for all this time.

What was so potent about this painting that I had to keep it the trunk for four years?

What was she dripping with that inspired this creation and then I couldn’t find a “place” for her in my life? What was She expressing then that I gave it one visual outlet and then shut her up?

What am I ready for now that I wasn’t four years ago?

Hmm, I wonder what my life would be like if I offered Her several ways of expression in the world?

Ahhh, I wonder….

Sula dePaula

http://www.suladepaula.com

Humbleness – A Poem

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Humbleness is silence.
Humbleness has no shame nor justifications;
Humbleness is vulnerability.
Humbleness is receiving unconditionally.
Humbleness is readiness without agendas.
Humbleness is acceptance.
Humbleness is gentleness without expectations;
Humbleness is greatness.
Humbleness is seeing without projections;
Humbleness is sweet presence.
Humbleness is a a teacher without preaching;
Humbleness is being.
Humbleness is knowing without arrogance;
Humbleness is mastery.
Sula DePaula

Moon Rising

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In this Scorpian heighten energy,
In this holy instant,
And through the darkness,
I rebirth myself once again.
I release the dark cape that was drenched in the conditioning of my heritage, in this reality and past.
I free myself from the DNA of suffering.
I step out of the old, uprooting implants of disease, conflicts, addictions, and separation.
Now, I am the deepest expression of my being.
Now, I laugh at the paralyzing fear of rejection,
I embrace myself.
Darkness is not.
I greet the Light.
I welcome the new Guides, Angels, and companions of kindness.
I sense a vision of real contribution to each other and to Planet Earth.
I feel the clarity of alignment, the ease of receiving, and the celebration of awakening.
Awakening in a new dream.
Awakening in the Oneness out from under the cape of limitation, the mask of personalities, beyond the mind, and deep in the heart.
Now the Scorpio discovers that there was nothing wrong with itself.
Its poisonous sting was there for protection and on automatic mode called – survival.
Now the Scorpio knows its innocence and its value.
I am Scorpio Rising.

Sula DePaula

Happy Solar Eclipse and New Moon in Scorpio!!

Nov. 2013